A bruised reed and a dimly burning wick

It was long overdue. She had to make the decision. It's either she continues in her life of sin and guilt, or she returns to God like the prodigal son. Of what use was it anyway? All that is left are scars and bruises - unseen from the human eye but littered over her conscience.

Nseghe sighed as she got up from her bed and looked out the window. She saw children playing in the sand and remembered when she was as young as they now are. She'd grown up a bright child -witty and smart. Memories of attempted sexual abuse and harassment flooded her mind. Even as a little girl, these things were happening. Classmates, neighbours, strangers, and even uncles and cousins. Everyone always wanted to do something dirty. "Hmmmm, the world has been spoilt for loooong," she thought. Even at that, she had managed to escape unscathed. She had always boldly said NO. Not because she had any relationship with God, but because she had a sense of morality. Of course, being brought up as a staunch Catholic had instilled a great sense of piety in her. She had always told those sons-of-the-devil NO and had been sailing through life with the pride of virginity perched on her shoulder. But it all went wrong.

She gave a long sigh and went over to the reading table. She took her pen and tried to resume reading but couldn't. Her heart was heavy and her thoughts so crowded that she could not understand even a line of what she was reading.
Knock knock. Someone was at the door. "Yes, come in." Nseghe replied and hurried to the door. Her roommate's sister, Samantha, was at the door.
"Sis, is my sister in?" she asked.
"No o o she has gone to church," Nseghe replied.
"Hmmm, toh. Thank you," Samantha replied and turned away.
"Are you okay? You don't look good. Are you fine?" Nseghe asked.
"Yeah, I am," Samantha replied, smiling weakly. She was obviously not looking well. She looked leaner and there were dark circles under her eyes. Nseghe didn't want to probe further so she waved goodbye and went back into her room.

As she sat down, she returned to her thinking spree. "Everyone has their own personal internal struggles," she thought. "Kai. Look at me. How did I come this far? O Lord, please forgive me. I really want things to be better. I want things to go back to what they were before," she said, under her breath. "Hahaha. No, you can't eat your cake and have it. Just continue. It's too late."
She felt sick, very weak.

She remembered it all. It began 3 years ago. She was just a new born again Christian (if there's such a description), still excited about her born again experience. She'd come to know the Lord in truth. She was zealous and committed to the word, prayers and fellowship. She did the little she could and was ready for more. Unfortunately, apart from the people she saw during fellowship meetings, she didn't have a friend. "Mtschewww, was it my fault? No one befriended me. After fellowship, everyone went their way. Why didn't they notice I wasn't friends with anyone in the fellowship? Why did they all assume I was fine? Didn't they notice...?" she thought.
A year later, she and Tomi, a girl she knew back then in the university, became very close. Tomi was not born again. She wasn't even a faithful Sunday-Sunday churchgoer, but Nseghe didn't mind. What harm was there? "In fact, I will make Tomi become a good person," Nseghe had thought. They were very close and known by all in the area. It was just the year after graduation while waiting for NYSC call-up. They hustled jobs together, played together, did business together, etc.
One day, Tomi remarked about a guy who was making advances at Nseghe, "Sincerely, babe there's nothing bad about that guy. You and I know you like him, but you're carrying this your church thing on your head too much. Even the church thing you're not doing it well sef. You like the guy. The guy likes you. Both of you should start dating. If you don't want to marry him, no wahala. No be sey the guy dey talk marriage sef," Tomi said.

Two weeks later with such comments from Tomi, Nseghe had ended up being "just friends" with Chris and before long, they were dating. From simple visits, they started staying out a little bit late at night and it progressed into spending a whole free day with him, usually at his place, and then went on to spending nights.
That wasn't enough. With a friend like Tomi, one boyfriend is not enough. You can keep him and still have a thing going on with a guy or two. And so, she found herself dating Chris, kissing Yusuf, shopping with Ola, spending a weekend at Uno's. Her fellowship with God and believers started dwindling. She started giving excuses for missing church activities. She did a good job of putting on the church face when she ran into any of the church people. She threw up 2-minutes prayers at God when she rolled out of bed in the mornings, and that was all.

Two years later, Tomi travelled back to her hometown in Ibadan. Two years later, 15 boyfriends later, a ragged conscience and a gaping hole in her heart, there she was in her room with guilt as her only companion. She regretted every single thing she had done.
Nseghe sighed, "...and I was born again o o o. What came over me?" The tears finally came rolling down her cheeks. She just went on crying for more than thirty minutes.

"...but you know that's not really what it means to be born again. It's a good development, but Sammie, that's not it." Nseghe paused and wiped her eyes. She had been unaware of her roommate's return.
Hassana was a nice lady; and beautiful too. Three months ago, Nseghe was stranded and had no place to stay. After their service year, Tomi travelled back to her hometown, but Nseghe stayed back in Sokoto. She had hoped to get a job but nothing had come out of it early enough. She had also met Hassana at one of the job interviews she had gone for. Hassana was the secretary at the office; she still worked there. After relaying her plight to her, Hassana had invited her to church the next evening. As at then, it seemed quite insensitive of her. How could she do that? "A young lady with no accommodation has just told you about her situation and the only wise thing you can think of is to invite her to your nonsense church," she had thought.
But when the day came, she decided to honour the invitation since she was free at the hour. Well, it hadn't taken her long before she saw Hassana who was serving as an usher. After church service, Hassana cheerfully introduced her to almost everybody. It wasn't a big church. They had quite a small number of worshippers. It was really annoying having to put on a fake smile and nod and all.
Finally, Hassana took her to the preacher, a man in his fifties. He seemed to be a good preacher because during his sermon, the congregation was alive and after the sermon, they were deeply enraptured by the prayers he led - everyone was praying fervently with a lot of people crying and some screaming. To Nseghe, nothing had made sense. It was like gravel in her mouth.
Hassana introduced her to the man and the next thing Nseghe heard was, "...so Sir, I will like her to be my roommate. Please pray for us. That this new friendship will benefit both of us and bring glory to God."
Nseghe felt ashamed of herself. Hassana had such good plans for her, but she had been shamelessly beefing every single thing the girl cherished. She felt sorry.

Here she was three months later, well accommodated, well-fed, gainfully engaged in fashion design while awaiting employment. Hassana owns a sewing machine and had encouraged her to fan into flames her sewing skills. The last time Nseghe had done anything with a sewing machine was in her second year in the university. But now, she was putting her skill to good use. She earned nothing less than N2000 as profit every week.
Staying with Hassana has been a blessing.

She was drawn out of her reminiscence when she heard someone tearfully speaking. "Sister, i'm tired. Look at me. I'm very ready for marriage. I feel like I'm wasting."
"No, you're not ready for marriage. Yes, you're wasting," Hassana replied. Nseghe frowned. "That was a harsh statement. Samantha is older than her. She should be more respectful," she thought.
Hassana continued her conversation outside, "Sammie, it's a good thing that you're feeling this way. It's a good thing that your heart is drawing to Christ. It's a good thing that you'll like to make amends. It's never too late. You can always..."
"Make amends?" Nseghe thought and instinctively got up from her seat. "I want to make things right too." She headed towards the door, but stopped.
"Sis, I've lived with him for six years now. He said he'll marry me soon. Can I just get up and leave? I want to do this right, but I don't want to hurt him," Samantha said.
"Yes sis. Repent. In this case, turn away from the wrong thing. No matter who gets hurt. It's for good. In fact, good for both of you. Do you know that if he feels convicted, he'll change. He'll quit this unholy relationship. He'll repent. If you're afraid of losing him, don't be. If he turns to Christ before you, he'll still break out of this relationship. Don't be afraid. Just like you feel convicted for salvation, he too will come to the Lord one day. Don't you love him?"
"I do. I really do... "Samantha replied.
"Then let him go and do what is right. Don't you love God more? "Hassana continued.
"Hmmmm... You know I just started this thing. I don't really know. I don't know if I really want to continue this Christianity thing. It's already tiring..."
"No, it's not. Calm down. It's tiring because you're still holding on to a lot. Let go."

Nseghe couldn't stand it any longer. She opened the door and stepped out. Her eyes still red from crying, "I want to make things right too. I've hurt God so much. I've hurt myself too, Hassie... You don't know the things I've done. I've been born again before o o but I just messed up...." she said.
Samantha sighed. She felt heavy. She felt unexplainably horrible. She put a hand on Nseghe's shoulder. "Have you been crying?" she asked.
"It's okay. It's fine. I'm really glad this is happening to both of you. It's the Father's love drawing you. God has opened your hearts. I've really been praying for both of you. That both of you will come to Christ. That you will come to Him and experience peace, true love, joy, grace, mercy," Hassana paused.
"Do you both really want the Lord? Hear what the Bible says about Jesus: a bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench...(Isa. 42:3, Matt.12:20)
Nseghe, you're a bruised reed. He will not break you off. He'll tend you till you are well and whole again. He'll watch over you, groom you, nurture you, water you till you bloom..till you blossom again.
Sammie sis, you're a faintly burning wick. The little flame in you that is stirring your heart unto conversion, He will fan it into flames. He will fan it till it burst out into flames and you'll be consumed with passion for Him till the zeal of the Lord consumes you.
He is ever waiting for both of you; always waiting. Do you agree to Him? Samantha, do you accept that Christ is your Saviour? Nseghe, do you accept Him as Lord of your life?"

Samantha and Nseghe burst into tears. Nodding and sobbing, they bowed their hearts and yielded to the Lord. Samantha repented and became born again. Nseghe rededicated her life to Christ.
It was a fresh start.

Hassana said, "Remember, " Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!" - 2Cor. 5:17

Indeed,
"a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench"

***

This is fiction.